Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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