Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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