He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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