I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
