Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
