they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
my shit smells like andre
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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