wanna go halves on a baby?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
