so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
