We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
