I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
