Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
