omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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