now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i was born a porn star she said
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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