i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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