After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
