I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
