Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
