woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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