OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
