my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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