dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
