She announced her abortion via fbk
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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