I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
