I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
