he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Come share oat with me in your robe
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize