I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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