great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
