I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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