Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
