I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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