three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
What drink are we having for lunch?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
