she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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