On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
