Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
