trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
