I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
