A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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