if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize