Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
