2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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