I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
