I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
