The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
