His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
