Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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