Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
