Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize