She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
