They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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