ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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