My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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