woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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