last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
