i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
