At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
