I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
