i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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