I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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