i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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