I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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