the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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