My sheets look like a crime scene.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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