I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
