Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize