Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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