and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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