I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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