he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
