I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
