Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize